The Joker

I am a big fan of Batman movies. Especially the latest ones made by Nolan. I may have watched The Dark Knight about 161 times (not counting the specific short scenes which i might have watched for 2012 times). 


Its so hard to not be fascinated by The Joker. I never knew about Heath Ledger before...well, knew about The Patriot and Brokeback Mountain but hadn't watched those movies. So much so that I had never seen Heath's photos without his Joker make-up. I didn't want to - for some abstract reason...just wanted the Joker's image to be very strongly imprinted in my mind. 


With his make-up on, I could not really figure out how old was Heath...I never went through the detailed stories of his mysterious death. My assumption was that he was a middle aged guy. Just today I stumbled upon his wikipedia page and was so bloody touched....he was so young ! Just about 3 yrs older than me....so fantastically talented . Read through his story and his work. Its such a big loss to not seeing him around.


Though this sounds unconnected, but I want to watch The Dark Knight Rises more for Heath than other reasons  - like it is going to be the grandest movie ever made

State of matter

Rage it is. I can not control my anger beyond a point. Then I start punching the wall, not caring if my bones break. But my bones can never break because a divine force protects me and how. I hit my leg while on a moving train on a concrete milestone, I limp for three days but then I can play football on the fourth. While I play football I fall on the ground and become unconscious. I wake up with no pain. No pain, yes. I climb the coldest mountains on earth and I keep on climbing. I get tired but I keep on. The divine force, yes. May be. Who cares ? I do, but only sometimes.

May be I do not believe in divinity. May be I have lost my religion. But I pray. Not for any particular benefit but because it's cool. All troubles I create for myself and I ask some good old God to solve them. Good old God is beneficial for a lot of people. This happens because they and their predecessors have kept faith in him/her since the time when calenders were a non entity. Who made the first calender? I think the world map was made before the first calender was made. But how was the first world map made without the satellite pictures? How can the contours of continents be visualized?

May be some aliens clicked some snaps and put them in some books while on their visits to earth. Different animal looking aliens visited earth at different places at different times. At some places where only legends passed on about these animal looking aliens, believed in their own style. There are different styles of belief. They were as confused about God as I was about the fire's state of matter. Or as I was about rockets drilling earth's spherical lid. But why is earth's lid spherical? Of course because earth is spherical. But why does it need a lid. It doesn't and that's why it doesn't have any lid. That's why aliens were able to land on earth. This is the reason why sometimes 3 X 9 =3. We force numbers to behave in certain manner and so they behave that way. They are enslaved. Trachtenberg jackowed them to behave in the manner he saw fit. At least that was a respite. Matchstick men walk on without zippo lighters. Who cares if somebody giggles when I am drunk. Let them giggle. I am hunky dory with that. I am awaiting some gifts. I will kiss them with gratitude. Another day gone, another night gone. New things are happening. I must visit The Netherlands before they drown in the sea.

Psi Factor

No I am not talking about Psi as Pi in “Life of Pi”. Psi is a non-living object having its own identity. It has many brothers and sisters who are equally non-living, which is indeed logical. This Psi family makes many of the living objects’ lives either hell or heaven, depending on how they take its presence. I feel the former is more valid as it is more recurring. These living objects are mainly humans who are as disoriented as Psi is, irrespective of whether they had a blue pill or the red pill. Psi comes into a human’s life when the human life form is five or six years old. Psi wants to explain that it is useful and tries to cling to the human, binds her and bounds him to narrow domain of its own world. A typical human tries to figure out everything in her life through Psi. So much so, that if an intellectual human reads something without Psi, he feels that whatever written is wrong. Psi converges human thoughts into kaleidoscopic shapes, when what it should be doing is diverge those shapes into thoughts. All humans are actually leading a life like what Jim Carrey portrayed in “The Truman Show”. Psi oversees bloody every goddamn move you humans make and I am not playing Aykroyd here. It is more omnipresent than the proverbial ether and the mystic god. Scott Adams tried to prove that humans are god’s debris. I am trying to prove that god might be a Psi’s debris.

It is beyond the classically structured logic. Psi is so bloody powerful that it counts your breaths, your heart beats, your eye lid blinks, the hormone secretions in your brains and even the telepathic brain waves. It has a self adjusting mechanism to optimize the numbers of the above counts. It has a self destructing mechanism when someone tries to oversimplify it. There are some disagreeing lot but they are foolish. Even the phooeygooey’s shark is unaware of it. The seven pirates tried to find its source in the seven seas, Psi was just above them and beneath them and besides them, but they could never find it. The not-so-little-green-man expedited the highest snow capped mountains on earth but Psi was within the snow and not to be seen. Psi had rocked all the demons out of Saynd which made him plunder the blue’s fodder. Dvuak concluded that a normal digicam is not adequate to capture Psi and experimented with a single lens reflex camera instead. However he could never imagine that the pentaprism of his SLR itself was made of Psi. The precise zoom adjustments were happening only because of the features Psi had enabled. Slightest vibration in Psi family makes the last son of krypton shudder with pain. Sarih, the thinker, saw a glimpse of Psi during his last moments, which he thought was the moment full of life.

Its not that Psi is bad or good. But it should not be ignored. It is just present and it has to be circumvented. It travels everywhere but stays at the same place too. To see it, you have to see what is beyond the obvious, because it is a part of the obvious. I think Pink Floyd understood it and even tried to make people aware of it. They didn’t discover the actual Psi but just some attributes of it and they didn’t discover because I was not born yet. Now that I am here, I will show you humans that there is a world beyond Psi and you don’t have to limit yourselves by that subterfuge.

King Nothing

It’s said that left handers are brilliant. Guru was exceedingly brilliant in whatever he did. I don't know whether that was related to his left handedness. Thank god his parents never realized he was left handed. Otherwise they would have tried to curb his natural instinct. Even he discovered it when he was about nine years old. Though Guru will vouch that his father was never forceful about things, but I do not have any proof to believe him. Actually he was never groomed commensurate to his true potential. This may be because he was the youngest in the family among the six children. He being extremely handsome, very fair with dark curly locks didn’t make him special for his parents. I guess they might have got bored to care about their youngest one.

Wish I may?
Wish I might?
Have this I wish tonight?
Are you satisfied?
Dig for gold?
Dig for fame?
You dig to make your name?
Are you pacified?

But left alone, Guru could do a lot of things not expected out of him. He used to dive off a precarious rope bridge, vertically down, almost 50 metres, into the rambunctious Bhima River when he was just six years old. He was a natural swimmer. He could ride his horse at lightning speed. He had even encountered a lion without knowing what animal it was. He could climb mountains nearby Arlimatti, without any guidance, all alone. Though sometimes he got confused about the way back home, that too just because of post sunset darkness, he managed to get back by asking directions from the village folks. His innocent statement when some elderly fellow asked about whose child was he, was "I am the youngest son of Akka and Mama".

All the wars you wage?
All the things you've changed?
Then it all crashes down
And you break your crown?
And you point your finger?
But there's no one around

He wasn't that good at studies though. Actually, nobody at his home, his village and even at his school cared for studies. The school provided education only till fourth standard anyway. So I guess his careless attitude regarding studies was okay. This was mainly because he never used to get time for studies out of his adventures. Leela, his elder sister used to accompany him sometimes. She was never as dare devil as him, but watching him riding horses, climbing the guava trees and stealing the fruits from neighbours' orchards was good fun for Leela. Of course she used to get the sweetest red guavas, proof bitten by parrots. This Arlimatti village which I spoke of before was so remote that even British had never come to know about it. This is evident from the fact that Guru had never seen any British officer, even being born in 1941 and having stayed in the village till 1948.

Just want one thing
Just to play the king
But the castle's crumbled
And you're left with just a name
Where's your crown, King Nothing?
Where's your crown?

Born and bred by himself like a King, he would be reduced to King Nothing. One fine day he was told to shift to Bombay to stay with his elder brother. He had to swim couple of kilometers in the Bhima, to reach a bigger village for catching a train to Bombay. His father too had accompanied him till Bombay after selling off his orchards, farms, horses, cattle and every other possession. Otherwise he couldn’t have afforded to pay dowry to Leela’s in-laws. Guru, thus born rich became suddenly poor and couldn’t inherit any familial wealth. But he was unaware of all that. All he cared in life was always exploring new things without any fear. His curiosity crossed the boundaries of school in the first few weeks itself. Books were never interesting as much Bombay was. It was a damn good happening place in those times, with booming Bollywood and nice cheap places to eat Bombaiyyah food. He began to bunk school and watch Dev Anand and Dilip Kumar movies in theatres. He could memorise all the dialogues in the movies and the names of even side actors but couldn’t recite a poetry taught at school.

Hot and cold
Rock the soul
A heart as hard as gold
Yeah! Are you satisfied?
Wish I might
Wish I may
You wish your life away
Are you pacified?

But he never knew what this Maximum City had in store for him. He barely managed to finish his school and started doing menial jobs. At machine press shops, as a contract worker in Automobile factories, as a helper in BARC Atomic reactor workshops and what not. Finally he managed to get a permanent job as an electrician in a company. His colleagues congratulated him for getting a ‘White Card’ but he wondered what worth this card was. He still remembered his life in his village. He stayed in bachelor accommodation of 10ft x 10ft area occupied by 10 people. If he came home late, there was no space for him to sleep. He couldn’t have afforded a bigger house in his Rs.40 per month salary. He worked overtime for eighteen hours a day and started to sleep on railway platforms.

All the wars you wage
All the things you change
Then it all crashes down
And you break your crown?
And you point your finger?
But there's no one around

He could never get the girl he wanted. He got married when he was 34, more out of compulsion than need. Had a daughter who was the apple of his eye. But more struggles were beckoning. His daughter had a fatal neural disease. He didn’t have enough money to cure her. He knew she was going to die, though his wife never believed it. His wife was a very orthodox kind of a lady who thought that god can save her daughter. But Guru never believed in god, he had always thought that Guru will make his own destiny. His factory got locked up because of labour union problems. Guru was broke. An owner of hundreds of acres of land was thrown into a situation to borrow from others. Plus with some really mean relatives and so called friends offering no help, moral or monetary, he saw his two year old child dying in front of him, and he couldn’t do anything.

Careful what you wish
Careful what you say
Careful what you wish
You may regret it
Careful what you wish
You just might get it

History had to repeat itself after twenty four odd years. I wish I could have helped him more but somehow I was totally out of his domain. He knew that he was King Nothing.

Pursuit of Happiness

The subconscious personality usually manifests in the night. Especially when you have a semi-dark room lit with small yellow light bulb, the French windows open allowing a cool breeze from the sea nearby. Though some claim to have a multiple personality disorder, I believe the word 'disorder' is a misnomer. There is nothing bad in getting the subconscious out sometimes. At least it helps others. Love, they say, is happiness. Mathematically then, the pursuit of love is the pursuit of happiness. Therefore if one is not happy pursuing love, then the pursuit should be stopped.

I tried to tap into Zia's subconscious, which she felt was a disorder. I have this philosophy of learning from others' mistakes or rather experiences. That's why I ask so many questions, not for their sake but for my own.

Irig: how busy are u ?

Zia: not at all :)

Irig: kuch gyan chahiye tha, about post relationship SOPs

Zia: :))

mane ?

Irig: mane ?

Zia: I mean post relationship SOP bole toh

Irig: Standard operating procedures

Zia: hmmm....depends on how badly does it effect u ...:)

Irig: Suppose the effect is very bad

Zia: Two ways .. think so much that u get bored of thinking

That happened to me

Irig: To me too

Zia: Or else don't think at all... and deal with it when you are in a better position to

Irig: hmm

what about communicating once in a while

Zia: hmm that can be quite chaotic

Irig: why

Zia: pata theres a point when you finally know you are over it

uske baad is chill warna otherwise can be chaotic

Irig: ya

Zia: mere liye chaotic ho raha tha talking

Irig: What if the opposite party insists on talking

Zia: hmmm

Irig: frenship n all tht stuff

Zia: depends ... quite lucrative actually

Irig: why

Zia: never works yaar

mane slowly u'll start missing all tha

Irig: ya

Zia: So after a while u'll want to get back together

Irig: hmm

Zia: isse achcha hai wat is over is over and stand le lena chahiye

mane very tough but karna padta hai

Irig: I think u r right

Zia: There's always a chance ... that either you get over ...coz u get bored of the repeated "emotional chaos" so

that feeling goes

but i still think its better not to talk

Irig: hmm

chaos can be reinvigorated though

Zia: haan

Irig: How about getting in touch after a few years

when you are finally settled n all

Zia: That i guess is okay

Zia: pata the only point is getting over that feeling

Irig: I agree

Zia: mane it can happen overnight bhi

Irig: but does a comparison occur in a new relationship ?

Zia: yeah :)

sad side of affairs

Irig: How do you deal with it

I mean how should one deal with it

Zia: hmm .. shuru mein u'll long for the previous one ( if u r not over that one yet )

else current one zyada sahi lagta hai anytime

Irig: ok

Zia: par don't be in love with 2 ppl at the same time :)

Irig: oh...cant dare that anytime

Zia: :))))))))))

Irig: I guess that was the case for her, though she will never admit that during her lifetime

Zia: yeah

:))))) if it helps.. it must be shit time for her

:)

Irig: No i don't think so

Zia: :) aisa lagta hai

Irig: ? aisa kya lagta hai?

Zia: I mean thats how u think it is

but it must be tough for her

Irig: No i am sure...

it was tough for her to separate

but never tough to make a choice

Zia: choice is not tough

but haan being in love wuth 2 ppl is

abhi bhi she must be thinkin of u when she is with someone else

but that doesnt change things

Irig: ya she must be

I know she'll always think

till her lifetime

Zia: yeah

which doesn't make things easy for her

Irig: I guess she'll be happier thinking about me rather being with me, so i guess it should work fine for her

Zia: haan

vague state

but yeah

Irig: True...but i think there is a concept of subconscious love

Zia: pata nahi

haan hai shayad

problem hai ki love nd relns confuse nahi karna chahiye

Irig: wats the difference ?

Zia: love is unconditional..cliched but thats the way it should be

relationship is a two way thing

Irig: I never understood the difference

the unconditional is all ephemeral

its too inhuman to be unconditional

Alma mater

I wonder if we ever realized the transition phase of Victoria Jubilee Technical Institute to Veermata Jijabai Technological Institute. The change of name did not make neither any sense nor any difference to us. College remained the same. The old creepy walls, the same old Cincinnati Lathe machines, the same quad, the same professors, the same traditional tug-of-wars, the same school gathering setting of Pratibimb...almost everything remained same for us. Nonetheless, we enjoyed every moment of our lives in VJTI. Though some transition was nascent, none of us could visualize what VJTI was to become.

But Aeish is not like us. She is a product of a chic VJTI and she repeatedly portrays a new and colourful picture of my alma matter to me. She talks about having DJs for every possible fest over there. During our times (and this is not too long back, just 4 goddamn years ago), we used to have Mohammad Rafi type songs in the cultural festivals. Asking permission for a DJ could have warranted a tough reprimand.

Aeish tells me that TCS took 96 students this year, Accenture took some 100 odd. In 2003, companies like TCS used to throw a requirement of minimum 70% in each semester when today it takes truckloads from nondescript colleges. Same is the case with the Infys and the Wipros. Talking only about the Mechanical Engineering department, India Shining and all that is reflected in the fact that almost 60 students in her batch have got placed before they have started their final year. I think India was not shining enough in 2003 when some of my friends were struggling to get placed even till the end of their last year. Now Aeish is studying the kind of subjects I am studying in a B-school. The grading system is different with the introduction of CGPA and credit courses. Aeish doesn't have to copy tons of assignments and slog at the end of the semester stupidly like I did for the Mumbai University exams and wait for 3-4 months for the results. Things are quick and efficient now.

I am curious about kids like Aeish. I guess there are very few of her type left who dislike the lure of software companies. Actually the thing is that Aesih dislikes computer programming. I am proud of her because even I disliked programming. As it is so good, to be good at only one thing in life, it is equally good to be bad at many other things in life. One among them is computer programming. I am not saying that a Mechanical Engineering student should not join software companies and I do not want to delve into the subject of being cyber coolies. My point is that the core industry has a lot to offer to the VJTI Mech kids and I would certainly like to see them doing something better than programming. This will certainly not make any difference to the Infys and the Accentures because their truckloads are anyway ready.

Old Monk

I used to hate the concept of blogging. Not for any explicable reason but generally I disliked most of the things that Priyank loved. According to him one should always have a virtual identity so that you can make friends globally and can take their help when your wallet gets stolen in a foreign country. I found this reason very cheap for writing a blog. Plus he used to attend bloggers' meets and all which too I found pretty cheap. I don't believe in making virtual friends, for me friendship has to be tete-a-tete and it should be with people having qualities not overlapping that of mine (well some 20-27% overlap is acceptable for me).

Thus began my friendship with Priyank mainly because of the dissimilarities between us. He loves only Old Monk Rum and I like only Whisky and Scotch. He doesn't like smoking and I like to smoke. He believes he is a very good planner and micro-plans most of the things, whereas I hire (read take help) of micro-planners like him and get my work done. He is 25 years old, born and brought up in Mumbai and doesn't know how to ride a motorbike. I have been having stints with motorbikes since I was a kid. He gets nauseatic at the sight or smell of curd and I can't live without curd.

He has a Howard Roark'ish approach at traffic signals and I prefer playing Gail Wynand. Cricket matches don't excite him much and I am a normal Indian. He can call guys as "Sonya" without getting any suspicious looks but I will never call anybody as "Sonya" unless I am getting paid to do that or I am on a bet. He can be suddenly violent (according to a story told by him, he had broken a thief's foot by hitting him with a wooden rod, he is a karate black-belt). I have never hit any one, because I care more for my own bones rather than indulging in breaking some one else's.

He is so much possessive about most of his things that he never shares a bit. I can be possessive of expensive stuff but not for petty things such as caps and hand gloves. (He had borrowed my cap and hand-gloves when we were climbing Rohtang Pass on hired Yamaha RX-100s. But he would have never given me if I wanted such petty things from him). He gets weird dreams where he is chasing to kill any person wearing hand gloves and at the end of dream finds himself wearing one. I too get weird dreams, of being in a war zone, but I have never managed to kill myself like Priyank. He thinks that I am smart and he knows what I think about him, I don't need to explain, we almost always think contrary things.

Now comes the 20-27% overlapping part, both of us like trekking and mountain biking. We like the engineering industry. We jointly believe that 2-3 years of work experience is necessary before pursuing management education. We love Indian classical music. (There's a difference here though, he can play Sitar very well and I don't understand the difference between a 'raag' and a 'taal'). We dislike corruption. We like 'Chanakya' and the sound of the word 'Mitr' as they say in 'Chanakya'. We are equally confused, at times, about left and right directions, but overall we have a really good directional orientation and people fail to appreciate that. We were equally suspicious about a character or rather 'scene' called Gaurav Biware and we used to disconnect phone calls that he used to make to either one of us. But we had our paradigm shifts once we met Gaurav and I am sure when Gaurav reads this blog, he will create a 'scene' to kill us.

I still dislike blogging for an audience, unlike Priyank, but started it for some inexplicable reason. As I can't explain, may be Priyank will know it better than me.